This morning I woke very early from a dream in which I think I was hunting for Sarah but happened upon my mother, who also died recently. I wanted information from Mom on Sarah’s whereabouts, but she began a long spiel about her medical problems, which is what usually happened when you talked to her in real life. Thanks for keeping it real, Mom. The dream also included something about a bus trip, and taking care of kids and a puppy, but I’m not going to recount that because it’s pretty boring to hear about other peoples’ dreams.
I was disappointed during the dream, and when I woke up around 3:45, that I didn’t get to see Sarah. Max apparently dreams about Sarah a lot. In his dreams, she’s driving a big truck or car and we’re in the back seat, and she’s driving in a very outrageous and impish manner, which I could see her doing, and laughing at our concerns. I haven’t had any dreams about Sarah, at least not that I can remember, which makes me feel bad.
I would really like to see Sarah set up somewhere fun and safe, like a beachfront dorm for dead children with all the amenities and proper chaperones. Sort of like Give Kids the World, the resort at Disney where we stayed when we did her Make-A-Wish trip when she was 10. It was all set up for sick and disabled kids and we absolutely loved it. Christmas and Halloween were celebrated every week there. There was an ice cream parlor open 24 hours to tempt feeble sick kid appetites, small rides that wheelchairs could fit on, and just tons of other stuff like accessible miniature golf, a carousel, a beauty spa where the kids could get makeovers to look like superheros, and many other fun activities. And of course the Disney and Universal characters came to the resort and Mickey and Minnie would show up in the dining room at breakfast and so forth. It was insanely fun.
I would like to see Sarah somewhere like Give Kids The World. She was in ecstasy there. Friends have written some emails and letters saying that Sarah is an angel in heaven or that she is with our father now, and that is also a comforting thought. Judaism does not have a precise theology of heaven and afterlife. That is because as a religion we are more about actions than beliefs (thank you, Rabbi Jennifer Singer, and your blog for helping me pin this thought down).
Although I like to think of Sarah having a great time at GKTW or the Jersey Shore, I also like to think of her close to me, hanging around the house. Today is her birthday and Max and I agreed we are going to get her cards and a balloon, and we will have Birthday Bear and the Old Guy sing for her. Birthday Bear/Old Guy are singing stuffies who sing the Happy Birthday song when activated. Birthday Bear just does it straight up, and OG makes farting noises with his rendition, a great favorite of Sarah. Wherever she is, I hope there are fellow lovers of fart jokes.
The First Year Without Sarah 