Maladaptive Behavior

This morning Google News sent me a Psychology Today article letting me know that there are 3 Ways My Personality Might Be Secretly Harming Me. (Only 3?) It seems, according to Mark Travers, Ph.D., that we all need to “check in” with ourselves regularly to avoid slipping into maladaptive behavioral patterns, although Mark does not want us labelling our behavior good or bad.

I don’t want to spoil this article for you if you are waiting to read Psychology Today, but to cut to the chase, the three no-no’s are (1) having an “unhealthy” sense of humor; (2) obsessing about work; and (3) daydreaming a lot. Umm.

Everyone I know, everyone I really enjoy spending time with, has what could be considered an unhealthy sense of humor. Sarcastic. Snarky. Irreverent. Self-deprecating. Cynical. Grumpy. Sharp. So I’m not quite sure where to go with that one. Ditto the work-obsession. Did I mention I’m from Washington D.C.? Everyone here is obsessed with their work. It would be a maladaptive trait to refrain from obsessing about your own work, and everyone else’s too.

Okay, daydreaming. I will allow that Mark has a point here. Since Sarah’s death, I have spent more than my share of time daydreaming. About what her current situation could be, about the past, about what might have happened differently if I had been home on August 18, and all sorts of other scenarios. I daydream that Sarah is sending us signs of herself in little mundane things. Sometimes, Mark, I feel like all I do is “check in” with myself.

Yesterday for Sarah’s birthday Max walked up to Safeway to purchase a birthday balloon for Sarah as we always did. I had gotten her a card from us and in the early evening we were going to have Birthday Bear and Old Guy do their thing (see yesterday’s post). He came back with the most enormous balloon, one of those gigantic mylar monsters about 4 or 5 feet tall. It was the only Happy Birthday balloon in the store, he told me. And because it was Presidents’ Day, no one was working in the floral/balloon shop at Safeway and the other employees said they were not allowed to run the helium dispenser and blow up balloons from the rack. Max didn’t want to purchase a Happy Anniversary balloon or some other kind so he got this huge balloon for Sarah.

When he got home we started laughing about how Sarah had arranged things at Safeway for herself to get this huge balloon. Well played, Sarah! I guess this is sort of folie a deux. I’m sure Mark would not approve.