Google News let me know today that there is a new mental disorder classified in the DSM-V called “Prolonged Grief Disorder.” Thanks, Google, I needed more things to be anxious about. Criteria are “intense longing for the person who died;” “feeling as though part of oneself has died;” “preoccupation with thoughts of that person” focusing on “the circumstances around their death,” a “marked sense of disbelief about the death,” and “grief affecting everyday functioning in a way that normal grief does not.” Oh, and this has to persist for a year in adults and six months in children.
So here we are approaching Month Seven since August 18th and I seem like a promising candidate for this new disorder. On the other hand, most of the parents in our grief group lost children between 3-10 years ago. There are a couple of newbies like us but the majority are long-term grievers. Everyone thinks about their children on a daily basis. I guess that also speaks to the group’s cohesion, that members have stayed with the group long-term, which is nice.
As I mentioned before, Max and I are taking a trip to Great Britain. We are leaving in a few days. This is a big step for us. Not only in terms of Sarah and our grief, but just traveling together alone, which we really haven’t done since our honeymoon, when I was 8 months pregnant with Sarah.
This trip is almost like a celebration because April 1, 2023 is the 20th anniversary of our first date. It occured over dim sum in a Chinese restaurant right here in the suburb of DC where we live, that’s unfortunately gone out of business now. Looking back, I’m surprised that Max agreed to a morning brunch date. Maybe we met at noon or 1 p.m. I can’t remember anymore. I do remember how much I enjoyed talking to him, how interesting he was, how he took an interest in me and my opinions and what I was reading. Later, when we had been dating for a while, he told me that I looked like a Pre-Raphaelite painting, which was one of the nicest compliments I’d ever gotten.
Sarah would frown when Max or I referred to our first date at Oriental East, which we visited as a threesome several times a year until it closed. You ate at the Chinese restaurant without me? That’s not fair! “Sweetie, you weren’t even born yet! We had just met!” Pouty face. Not convinced. Major betrayal on our part. “We didn’t have any fun without you,” we reassured her. Big smile.
The First Year Without Sarah 