Max is now positive for Covid too and we are embunkered (is that even a word?) together at home for the duration. He came up positive when I swabbed him yesterday but didn’t seem particularly ill except for body aches. So he’s a few days behind me Covid-wise. I crashed spectacularly around 9 a.m. yesterday and spent the day mostly sleeping, only to return to bed at 8:00 pm for the rest of the night.
We’ll see if I’m able to (virtually) return to the office on Monday, and then there’s Passover starting Wednesday evening. All may have to be finessed. It’s difficult for a compulsive like me to let go of everything like this. I’m used to constantly making mental lists and ticking them off, to getting up early and arriving everywhere early. It’s served me well in my life and my career. There is something to be said, however, to the anodyne fog that this illness casts over you and the intense fatigue it generates. It certainly helps you just remain in the moment and suspend any racing thoughts.
I think that was one of my deficiencies that bothered me the most as a mother, that I felt I couldn’t just be in the moment with Sarah enjoying myself. I felt very driven. I was mentally checking off my list every moment, making sure I was on my toes and “meeting my goals.” Max was so much better about just having fun with Sarah rather than an action plan. I hope she knew how much I enjoyed her.
The First Year Without Sarah 