Superheroes

I’ve been looking through more of Sarah’s writing recently and really enjoying it. Sarah featured Max and me in a lot of her stories and non-fiction pieces. Emily, her tutor, mentioned to us at the Shiva that Sarah would usually present us as superheroes in her stories. We were high status for her.

Sarah wrote a story called I Love Mom that is of course especially meaningful for me. It’s not dated but I think it was a Mother’s Day effort the spring before she died. The story starts with a screenshot of a greeting card that says on the cover “Close together or far apart, you’re forever in my heart.” This page always makes me have a little cry when I read it now.

She talks about the various places and circumstances where she loves me, including dancing, at the beach, and when I give her money. Sarah was very money-oriented, which was funny because all her wants were paid for and she had no ability to physically handle money. But she absolutely loved being given gifts of money and was always open to being bribed with a dollar or two to do something she didn’t want to, which cash she would spirit away in one of two banks she had ordered on Amazon. Yes, I realize this is not primo parenting, but you have to work with what motivates your child.

The one page that I absolutely adore is this one:

It makes me feel so good about our relationship. Like we were just a natural match, and I was never on a trial period or undergoing double secret probation with her. We just clicked and we were good to go. I guess it’s silly to think of a tiny infant having the power to reject you, but I feel so grateful that she loved me from the start.

Sarah had very definite preferences right from the start; she never ever wanted a pacifier, which mystified our whole extended family. She did not like being bathed in the kitchen sink, something I loved as a little kid. She hated sleeping under warm blankets. I remember when she was a couple of days old, we were in the hospital together, and snuggling in bed, and the theme show music for Survivor came on television, and she was clearly listening for a second or two, and then she got the biggest smile on her face, as if she were saying “Mom, I’m so glad you watch this show too!”