Today is the first of the triumvirate of social events we have going on in the next few days: my niece’s college graduation, then a quick day trip up to Philly tomorrow to see Max’s brothers, and the field day at Sarah’s school on Tuesday. That’s a lot for us. I’m a little wrought up, so I got up at 3:15 this morning which probably isn’t great.
Being by myself has always been easier for me than being around other people, and I rarely have feelings of loneliness or isolation. I’ve always liked to do things alone, even when I was a child. I used to get a kick out of watching the show “Say Yes To The Dress” on TLC where women shop for their wedding gowns at that big bridal salon in NYC, and it always fascinated me how each bride-to-be brought her mother, her two best friends, her sister, her cousins, her neighbor, her great aunt, and her 6th grade teacher as well as her 3 year-old nephew. Maybe all those people just wanted to be on television and had no real attachment for her, and in reality the bride was oblivious to their opinions, but it always struck me as amazing that there was this coterie of people around each bride. I picked my wedding dress by myself. Of course, I got married when I was 32 weeks pregnant and I wore a garnet-colored velvet dress, but that’s another story.
When I was a kid in Brookline, Massachusetts I liked to go places on the T by myself, and in that era people didn’t worry as much about kids being out and about. I would take the T to Coolidge Corner, which I think was one stop away, and go to a bookstore or sometimes a matinee movie, which cost 75 cents. If I had a dollar, I would sometimes go to Friendly’s in Brookline and order a Fishamajig with a Fribble (their milkshake) at the counter and eat and read. The meal cost 92 cents and I would leave an 8 cent tip (!). Once, after eating, I couldn’t find my dollar in my pocket, and I was afraid I was going to be arrested by the Brookline Police. I called home and someone eventually brought a dollar over, maybe my father or brother. Friendly’s did not seem upset over my situation; they even offered me a free ice cream cone which I was too scared to take.
We wanted Sarah to have independence too, to be able to drive her power chair up our block to our little downtown area near where we live to go to Five Below (her favorite store) or the movies or where she chose when she was old enough. She didn’t really achieve that level of independence. She did love going to our little local mall with a caregiver and buying something for herself or me and suprising me and showing us what she bought. When I go there, I miss her so much. I always loved her company.
The First Year Without Sarah 