TGIM

Did I mention that Max is having surgery on Friday? On his back, which he has had problems with basically forever. This is his second back surgery in the last five years. It’s outpatient surgery and I guess it’s not that big a deal but I’m a little worried about it. I’m also looking forward to taking care of him afterward, except that he’s not a good patient. He doesn’t like to stay in bed, doesn’t like soup or other “sick” foods, doesn’t nap, and of course he can’t take any opioids or pain pills except Tylenol. So he may be a little grumpy.

I’m taking the day off and I’ll drive him to the surgery center and I guess wait, or go home if they don’t let people wait around, and come get him. I’m pushing all thoughts of some kind of medical disaster out of my mind. But would it better to have full blown fantasies of his dying now, to sort of pre-emptively grieve and get some of it over with? It might be better to take the edge off.

That’s not really a very nice thing to do, however. To drive Max to the surgery center and drop him off with the expectation that he’s dead meat. It seems rather unfair to him and a little ghoulish. Maybe I should try for a sort of “happy medium” here. What would that be? Max will most likely survive his surgery but may have devastating complications? No, that’s no good.

I just get so tired of thinking sometimes, I really wish I could just turn off my brain. Today is a work day, thank God. I have some tasks to do and some writing and I can just get lost in that. What a relief.