Meeting

Last night we went to our second meeting of Compassionate Friends and I have to say it really hit the spot this time. We stayed downstairs in the church where the meeting is held with the “experienced grievers” instead of going upstairs with the beginning grievers and I think that was a better match for us. The experienced grievers affirmed my feelings about Death Month and wanting the world to just stop everything to acknowledge Sarah in some way. I also felt affirmed in my feeling of not liking any of the things I used to like. Maybe it made me feel better just to know that it’s normal to feel bad?

My favorite part of the meeting was the end, when we all held hands in a circle. The leader said “Now we are going to say good night to our children.” It was so special and wonderful. One by one we said good night and told our dead children how much we loved them and missed them. It felt so good to say “Good night sweet girl, mommy loves you, sleep tight” like I used to do every single night. And to hear Max saying good night to Sarah again. After everyone was done saying goodnight to their kids of all ages, Max and I hugged each other a long time.

Even though it was pretty late for us when we got home (10 pm), I didn’t feel exhausted. I felt peaceful and I felt better. Not so glum and not so angry.