For several months I really felt I had nothing to offer my readers and I was pretty determined to stop writing permanently. A couple of days ago a little voice in my head made me decide to go back. Why? I’m not sure.
At odd moments, I smell the most intense floral scent. It is an intense scent, like a bouquet of roses. Most recently, it occurred when I was clearing the snow off my car yesterday. It was almost like a hallucination. I like to think that Sarah is near me at those times.
I unearthed Sarah’s iPad in December. We hadn’t charged it since her death. I went through all her photos, and her videos that she and Max made together over the years. It was painful and beautiful at the same time and I cried a lot. Sarah liked to take screen shots of YouTube shows she was watching and she liked to make collages too using various programs. She also liked to take photos with the iPad.
The last photo on her iPad is a screen shot, pictured above. I think it’s from the Stampy Cat Minecraft adventures she loved so much, but I’m not sure. It’s dated August 14, a few days before she died. It just looks so much to me like her last message, like where she went. A long corridor. A door at the end. I cry when I look at it.
The First Year Without Sarah 