Holidays

We are coming up on the double whammy of Valentine’s Day and Sarah’s birthday on February 20th. Preparing for and getting through both of these holidays was always a little difficult, and it still feels hard. Sarah loved them both. I would help her choose a valentine theme and either buy boxed valentines or make homemade valentines with her for her friends and teachers. Everyone would get a piece of candy with their valentine, of course, and she got to choose what kind of candy. Max and I would send her valentines as well, usually with Minnie Mouse or Minions on them. 

For her birthday, we would help her choose a theme as well. Horses. Minions. Minecraft. Sid the Science Kid. The Wiggles. The Doodlebops. Clifford the Big Red Dog. There had to be a family party and a school party and a friend party. And presents. A big cake.

The really difficult thing is how to celebrate these holidays since her death. I may have mentioned the extra large balloon we bought her last year on her birthday. It’s still in her bedroom, still filled with helium. We see the fact that it has not deflated at all as a sign of her presence.

Yesterday I shopped for birthday and Valentine’s Day cards for her. I was in Five Below, her favorite store. The clerk asked me if I had found everything I need, the way they are trained to. I felt like asking if they had a section for gifts for Dead Children. But I resisted.