Metro Stops

I had a very intense dream last night that I was riding the Metro with an old friend but every time we got close to our stop I couldn’t find her or she disappeared or made an excuse. It’s made me reflect on friendships today, or really the lack of them. It’s not my friends’ fault. It’s my responsibility too.

I do get messages from people that say things like “We think about you and Sarah every day.” Or “We are holding you in our hearts.” “Reaching out with an abundance of caring.” “Holding you in the light.” And so forth. Several people like to send me links when the New York Times prints articles on grief and grief support. Okay, I get it. You are doing your due diligence.

I have friends who reach out to socialize as well but it’s hard. I don’t accept many invitations and I feel like I have to put on something of a show. I don’t feel comfortable meeting new people because I don’t want to raise the subject of having a dead child, especially an only child.

My friend Regina wrote me a letter that I got yesterday. She lives in Germany. She wants to visit this summer and bring her adult daughter. I haven’t seen them in a long time and it would be great to have them here for a visit. I’m scared, though. How do I balance friendships now?