Living Donor

Max and I walked into our downtown yesterday. I’ve been trying to get out of the house more and I told him I was going to walk to the center of town and he offered to walk with me. We had a really good time which sort of surprised me. I’m not sure why. I always fall into this trap of thinking we won’t have anything to talk about anymore with Sarah gone. But we talked about this and that, politics, neighbors, trivia, who knows. We laughed a lot. It was fun.

Things usually turn out better than I think they will. My self-undermining is a big issue. Maybe there’s a better way of describing that. Anxiety? Catastrophic thoughts? Negativity? Stinking Thinking?

I’m still working on motivating and centering myself as well. Finding things that are fulfilling. I recently watched a documentary about a famous liver transplant surgeon, Nancy Asher, and it made me fantasize about becoming a living liver donor. I fantasized about part of my liver living on in someone else’s body long after I died. Sort of like having descendants. But I don’t think that I would be accepted and probably I don’t have mentally healthy reasons for donating . And it looks terribly painful. So maybe I’ll just investigate Tai Chi or something like that.