Even If

The key to dealing with the constant “what if” thoughts that grieving parents ruminate on, so I’m told, is to refocus yourself with an “even if” thought.

Because I find myself harping on the notion that I shouldn’t have been away from home when Sarah died, that I could somehow have prevented her death if I had been here, I’m trying to refocus myself.

Even if I had been home, I couldn’t have kept Sarah from dying. I don’t have the power to hold back death.

Even if Sarah hadn’t died that night, she probably would have died very soon after. She had a progressive neurodegenerative condition.

Even if I wasn’t there when Sarah died, it’s best that I was not there to witness her dead body.

Even if I was away for a couple of days, that was not the cause of Sarah’s death.

Even if Sarah did not like her babysitter, that was not the cause of her death.

Even if I was not home when she died, she knew how much I loved her.