One of my many readers contacted me today concerned because I haven’t been blogging and checking on me to make sure that I’m okay. That was kind of her. The truth is I’m not sure why I took a break. I know I feel a bit better. Sometimes. When I don’t feel shitty. That’s the way it is to grieve. Two or three good days and you feel like you are really turning a corner, getting better, moving forward. Then you have a really hard day and you feel like you’ve started over again.
I do feel like I’ve made progress with the whole guilt issue and all my endless self-recrimination over not being here when Sarah died. I’ve started to feel a little softer about all that stuff. I’ve kept up with swimming laps at the new pool. It helps me a lot. I’ve also lost 15 pounds and that makes me feel good.
On May 17, Sarah’s school, Wheaton High, will have the Second Annual Sarah Gilbert Games in her honor. It’s the special Olympics for the kids with disabilities. Max and I will be going again to hand out ribbons and watch, like we did last year. I can’t believe it’s been a year already.
Years are going to pass, more years, and I will never see Sarah again. That’s so painful. I have to live with that pain and manage it. I’m doing okay, I guess.
The First Year Without Sarah 