I’m reading a new book, The Grieving Brain, that talks about how the brain responds to grief and loss and how grieving changes the brain. I’m only about 30 pages into it but it’s making me cry a lot. So far the book is talking about how we have a primitive part of our brains… Continue reading Mind-Body
Category: Uncategorized
Time Off
I worried that yesterday I just kind of phoned in the blog post that I wrote and I felt crappy about it all day. My mind was on Max and his surgery for his back and I wasn’t really thinking too much about Sarah, my loss, my depression, the nature of grief — all the… Continue reading Time Off
Surgery Day
Max is having surgery today on his neck/back (cervical spine) to help with his ongoing degenerative arthritis issues and pain. He’s had this surgery once before a few years ago but they didn’t do these discs (is it disks?) or maybe the surgery was only half successful. I’m not sure. I’m worried that he’s going… Continue reading Surgery Day
Serenity Prayer
Yesterday I got into a bit of a kerfuffle work-wise because I drafted a memo going to many of the Powers That Be at the office. I received a complaint from one of the cc’s that I had messed up her title and that of one of her underlings. Titles can be a touchy and… Continue reading Serenity Prayer
Siberia
Today Psychology Today served up an article for me about why abrasive people act the way they do. “Understanding the Abrasive Individual” referred to the personality quality as antagonism. Sometimes I’m afraid I’m an abrasive individual. But I think I’m also kind and try to be aware of other peoples’ feelings. Although I do speak… Continue reading Siberia
Complaint Department
I wish the world would get its shit together. I want the world to offer me quality volunteer activities and community service projects that get me out of the house and take up appropriate amounts of my time, making my life feel meaningful and purposeful. I wish the world would offer support groups of all… Continue reading Complaint Department
TGIM
Did I mention that Max is having surgery on Friday? On his back, which he has had problems with basically forever. This is his second back surgery in the last five years. It’s outpatient surgery and I guess it’s not that big a deal but I’m a little worried about it. I’m also looking forward… Continue reading TGIM
Meditations
I’ve been reading the book I borrowed from The Compassionate Friend lending library. Meditations for the Bereaved Parent, Copy #3. It has some pretty good stories where parents talk about the screwed-up way they felt after their children died. Yesterday I read one “Meditation” in which a mother whose son died in the 1970’s explained… Continue reading Meditations
Twilight Zone
Although I’ve been doing pretty well this past week, yesterday I started having intrusively delusional and tragically inappropriate thoughts that maybe — okay, hear me out on this — I’m the one who is dead, not Sarah. That maybe, as if my life were a Twilight Zone episode or a Stephen King novel, I actually… Continue reading Twilight Zone
Doodlebop Pledge
So we went to our first Compassionate Friends meeting yesterday evening. Feelings are mixed but initial impressions were good. We were thoroughly and warmly welcomed by the rather large group of facilitators, given name tags, shown their refreshment table and lending library. We got a good vibe from the leaders, who seemed to have genuine… Continue reading Doodlebop Pledge
The First Year Without Sarah 