Going back to see some of Sarah’s old schools made me remember when she was very small and she wanted to be a librarian, a scientist, or a firefighter. She also wanted to be a teacher for a while. During Sarah’s very last year of school there was a concerning, confusing incident with the librarian… Continue reading Job History
Category: Uncategorized
Driving
The long weekend, with the Juneteenth federal holiday, just ended up feeling empty and sad. We really didn’t have plans with anyone. Most people with kids were doing Fathers’ Day things and a lot of people took off on vacation after school ended. Yesterday, the actual holiday, I spent some time just driving around, again… Continue reading Driving
Fathers’ Day
Yesterday was Fathers’ Day and I got Max a new electric shaver and a package of toothbrushes (he specifically asked for them) plus a new t-shirt with sushi on it. I bought Fathers’ Day cards from me, from Polly the Beagle, and from one of Max’s stuffie nemeses, Mr. Wizard’s Brother, Mr. Wizard. One of… Continue reading Fathers’ Day
Unwed Mother
This week I was thinking about when Max and I were going together, back before Sarah was born, and the things we used to do together. We went to estate sales and book sales. We went to festivals and film festivals and to the movies, often dashing off at the last minute. We went out… Continue reading Unwed Mother
Preschool
Sarah lost a lot of little skills very incrementally, and we would sometimes look at photos of her and say things like “Remember when she could hold a book in her hand?” “Remember when she sat up straight when she was doing therapeutic horsebackriding?” There was no particular moment she would lose the skill. It… Continue reading Preschool
Underdog
Yesterday evening I had something of a meltdown and by bedtime I was pretty tearful and upset. We have a shelf in our living room devoted to Sarah’s ashes and the purple urn we selected for them. The ashes aren’t actually in there, they are still in the box that they arrived in, because we… Continue reading Underdog
Fan and Fern
I really haven’t felt much like writing lately, which is a big change from the first three months of the blog, when I felt like I was bursting with creative energy. I have felt down on my writing, that it’s stupid, silly, and First World nonsense about nothing at all. As opposed to the first… Continue reading Fan and Fern
2006
Well, I had written a really nice post about my life when I was pregnant with Sarah while I was engaged, and getting married, and I was very satisfied with my creation. Then my computer went down when I went to publish it, and the draft reverted to a false start I had about a… Continue reading 2006
Case Study
I guess the flip side of being empathetic is being oversensitive. I really don’t like using that word, as I have expressed previously, since people are as sensitive as they happen to be. But our triggers that come from past trauma aren’t always rational or productive. Sometimes they hold us back from getting the good… Continue reading Case Study
Big Bear
People talk a lot about narcissism and sociopathy these days, and those terms tend to be rather overused. Unlikeable people are described as either narcissists or sociopaths. (Twenty years ago it was borderline personality disorder that took the big hit.) Still, I wonder why there are people in the world, and there seem to be… Continue reading Big Bear
The First Year Without Sarah 