Uncategorized – Page 24 – The First Year Without Sarah

Trips

One week from today will be March 1. February has been a hard month in so many ways and I do want it to pass away. And in March, Max and I will take a trip to the UK. We haven’t really traveled other than long weekends at the Jersey Shore, our Wish Trip in… Continue reading Trips

Maladaptive Behavior

This morning Google News sent me a Psychology Today article letting me know that there are 3 Ways My Personality Might Be Secretly Harming Me. (Only 3?) It seems, according to Mark Travers, Ph.D., that we all need to “check in” with ourselves regularly to avoid slipping into maladaptive behavioral patterns, although Mark does not… Continue reading Maladaptive Behavior

Where is Sarah?

This morning I woke very early from a dream in which I think I was hunting for Sarah but happened upon my mother, who also died recently. I wanted information from Mom on Sarah’s whereabouts, but she began a long spiel about her medical problems, which is what usually happened when you talked to her… Continue reading Where is Sarah?

Deep winter thoughts

I’m not in a good place this morning. That business about letting go of resentment that I wrote about a few days ago seems to have come back to mock me. I have finally gotten around to watching a webcast of a seminar at National Institutes of Health last spring, ‘De Novo SPG4 Inaugural Symposium.’… Continue reading Deep winter thoughts

Childless

This is Presidents Day weekend, Sarah’s birthday weekend. We are planning to go out to dinner on Sunday with Sarah’s tutor, who we were all close to, but have vague “we’ll do something” plans for Monday. Perhaps I will get a pedicure with purple or pink polish. This morning I read a BBC News article… Continue reading Childless

Untitled

These last few days my usual emotional repertoire since August 18 of guilt, depression, angst, and constant tearfulness seems different. A couple of nights ago, I woke up from a dream screaming. I remember that someone was trying to steal the new car I bought in place of our wheelchair van, and leave me three… Continue reading Untitled

True Facts

Little kids, and sometimes adults too, used to come up to me and ask me “What’s wrong with her?” when I was out and about with Sarah. I don’t blame kids for having questions but there was never any good answer and I sucked at handling this situation. Sarah understood everything that was said around… Continue reading True Facts

Foster Children

I think I have mentioned before that I have come to have something of a compulsion for watching documentaries. I guess it helps me take the edge off somehow. In the beginning, I started watching true crime and survival stories, and I definitely had the thought in mind “If they can survive that, I can… Continue reading Foster Children

Love

So I did end up buying a Valentine card for Sarah. It has a heart theme with multiple pages that you open with a silly question on each page like “Who is the girl that millions adore? Who is the one that makes my heart soar?” and so forth until you get to the middle… Continue reading Love

Balloons

Tomorrow is Valentines’ Day, which was one of Sarah’s very favorite holidays. It’s hard to say that there was a holiday she did not like celebrating: birthdays most of all (her own, ours, her friends’), V-Day, Hanukkah, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Fathers and Mothers Days, and any other holiday for which the grocery stores produced balloons… Continue reading Balloons