Category: Uncategorized

To Tell The Truth

I finished reading a memoir last night about parenting a child with a rare and fatal genetic disorder called Metachromatic Leukodystrophy. (It’s called Harnessing Grief by Maria Kefalas and it was a good read.) Her mom described being told very flatly by a doctor that her toddler daughter had a progressive degenerative disorder and she was… Continue reading To Tell The Truth

Late January

In the evening yesterday I became very anxious thinking about Sarah’s birthday coming up in February. It’s her 18th birthday, and I had started thinking about how much children change in just a couple of years. I was looking at photos of Sarah from 2018 up until 2022 when she died, and her face and body changed… Continue reading Late January

Bright-siding

I should pay attention to ways I am doing better lately and try to remember that I’m actually improving. Although I still cry every day, and think about Sarah all the time, and wonder why the world doesn’t think about her too, I am able to do some of the things again that I used to… Continue reading Bright-siding

Build-a-Bear

Sarah’s birthday is coming up in February. To be truthful, Sarah’s birthday always caused me a lot of anxiety, because I worried so much about whether other kids would show up to her party. She still wanted a party long after other kids had aged out of birthday parties with cake and activities. For instance, in Fifth Grade,… Continue reading Build-a-Bear

Hot Potato

Yesterday I watched a documentary about The Wiggles on Amazon called Hot Potato. I had lost track of The Wiggles after about 2009, when Sarah moved on to The Doodlebops and other obsessions. The Wiggles remarked in the documentary that their fanbase turns over about every three years, as young children age out of toddlerhood.  I had… Continue reading Hot Potato

Next Life

When Sarah first died, I often heard the cliche that “the second year is harder than the first.” This refers to grief, not toddlers. It was hard for me to understand why that would be, and people had a hard time unpacking any explanation. I’ve come to think it’s because the first year is all… Continue reading Next Life

Candid

I’ve always just kind of coasted through the holiday season, and it probably comes as no surprise that I feel depressed, bored, and basically emptied of motivation this year. Is it possible to just die of ennui? Does that only happen to Victorian upper class heroines with tuberculosis? I don’t feel so irritable since I… Continue reading Candid