Our Yahrzeit candle for Sarah ended up burning until last night. We lit it on Friday night, the anniversary of her death, and it lasted until Wednesday. Is this a miracle on the order of Hanukkah? Should I contact the Jewish Vatican? Probably not. We didn’t buy an authentic “Yahrzeit” candle from a Jewish store,… Continue reading Yahrzeit
Category: Uncategorized
Purple Vase
Sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks that I’ll never see Sarah again. That’s it, the story’s done, there’s no more to discover or find out. It’s not like a documentary where new and startling evidence of Sarah will be presented, or new clues and new theories of Sarah get developed. I… Continue reading Purple Vase
Tattoo
Maybe twenty or thirty years will go by and suddenly Sarah will pop up one day to visit, like my friend Inga did. I’ll run into her downtown, or at some sort of event, and we’ll hug and I’ll say “You look fantastic, I love what you are doing now with your hair.” We’ll promise… Continue reading Tattoo
Attachments
Things seem very busy all of a sudden. I think that’s good. My Dad will be moving down to Maryland in less than a month, and I have to do a walk-through of his new apartment to make sure it is all set up correctly. That will be this coming week. Once Dad moves down,… Continue reading Attachments
Queen of Hearts
It’s August 19, no longer the first year without Sarah. We made it through and we are out the other side. I’m feeling…okay. A little emotionally flat, actually. Getting away to the Jersey Shore helped, although I don’t think I ever want to go back to a casino resort again. We stayed at the Borgata… Continue reading Queen of Hearts
Down the Shore
Today we’re driving to the Jersey Shore and we will be there all week. It’ll be an adult type vacation. We’re trying not to do the kid things we did with Sarah. Maybe we’ll check out the casinos. The beach will be more accessible without pushing Sarah’s chair over the sand and one of us… Continue reading Down the Shore
Compensatory Routines
I was thinking about some random doctor we saw sometime over the years with Sarah for an evaluation. Don’t remember why, who, where anymore. I just remember a brief squib of conversation with her about Sarah. She was asking questions about Sarah’s development, and as always we were saying that Sarah had great social skills,… Continue reading Compensatory Routines
Rings
I was thinking about the folktale from Appointment in Samarra. Where the servant sees Death making a threatening gesture toward him in the marketplace, and he borrows a very fast horse from his employer and rides away to Samarra to escape. But Death wasn’t making a threatening gesture, Death was just surprised to see him… Continue reading Rings
Listserv
Vincent Van Gogh said “I don’t know if I’m extremely sensitive or if life is unbearable.” Sometimes I feel the same way. We met with the Parks Department yesterday and chose a spot for Sarah’s Memorial Bench in our local park. It was a good experience. We settled on an area near the infant swings,… Continue reading Listserv
Crossword
This weekend I felt okay, not too bad for the most part. I would say fair to partly cloudy on my grief scale. I tried to push myself to do some things I used to enjoy doing. For instance, I used to really enjoy reading the Sunday newspapers, The Washington Post and The New York… Continue reading Crossword
The First Year Without Sarah 