So Max and I are trying to make some plans to go out of town next week for the anniversary of Sarah’s death. We’ll be going up to New Jersey, down the shore as they say there. I’m trying to keep my expectations low. We went “down the shore” for several years before Sarah was… Continue reading Pain Pill
Category: Uncategorized
Meeting
Last night we went to our second meeting of Compassionate Friends and I have to say it really hit the spot this time. We stayed downstairs in the church where the meeting is held with the “experienced grievers” instead of going upstairs with the beginning grievers and I think that was a better match for… Continue reading Meeting
Death Month
The Parks Department contacted me that Sarah’s memorial bench is ready, and they want to meet us at the park to consult on a spot on where to put it. So we are going to do that on Tuesday August 8. It would be nice to have the bench in place sometime around the anniversary… Continue reading Death Month
Poo
It’s August. I know I haven’t written in a couple of days. It’s not you, it’s me. As I told Max last night, I just can’t bear my own relentless negativity right now and I don’t see the point of exposing other people to it. I’m the poo and everything feels like shit. I think… Continue reading Poo
Me
I was talking to my Dad yesterday, and I told him that I’m starting to not like writing anymore, that it doesn’t feel good and I don’t feel like I have any good ideas anymore. He suggested I take a break and not push myself to write every day unless I really feel like it.… Continue reading Me
Pep Talk
Back when I was in college I lived in a house for a while with about six or seven other female roommates and there’s one roommate I’ve been thinking about lately. I didn’t know her very well, I don’t think I even remembe her name, because I moved into the house when I got back… Continue reading Pep Talk
Button
The book I was reading on The Grieving Brain said that the most predictive factor for prolonged grief is whether the grieving person was depressed prior to the bereavement. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I’ve been depressed all my life. I’ve almost always had some downer shit going on with me. My neurologist… Continue reading Button
AITA
I’m tired of my own thoughts today, and it’s hard for me to imagine anyone being interested in them. I just can’t conceive of having to drag my ass around for another thirty years. No, I’m not suicidal. I’m just sick of myself. Bored, discontent, amazed that everything costs so much. Yesterday I bought two… Continue reading AITA
Foster Talk
When I bought my car last summer shortly after Sarah died, trading in our wheelchair van, the young salesman was so happy and excited. It was his first sale and he’d been working at the dealership for several months. “You’re going to sell ten cars now,” I told him. I was glad to be his… Continue reading Foster Talk
Coverage
Facebook Memories reminded me this morning that I posted in 2014 about being turned down on appeal to our medical insurance to cover the $20,000 cost of Sarah’s whole exome testing. Whole exome testing was new and Johns Hopkins sent the test out to a private company called Genentech. This was the test that Sarah… Continue reading Coverage
The First Year Without Sarah 