Yesterday turned into a bit of a weepy sad mess. I started looking at photos of Sarah on my phone, the most recent ones, and thinking ‘This one was 19 days before she died.’ ‘This one was four months and eleven days before she died.’ Did she look as if she was detaching from us?… Continue reading Gumdrop Tree
Tag: child loss
Dead Children
There’s a new dead child memoir (as I call books written by grieving parents) coming out that I’m looking forward to reading. I read an excerpt in Atlantic Monthly yesterday and really liked how the author (Colin Campbell) seemed to be thinking and talking about grief and the weight of his own thoughts. (The book… Continue reading Dead Children
Obligate Aerobes
Once again I have been perseverating on how Sarah died, and to a certain extent on how my mother died, which fills up the extensive mental real estate not preoccupied by the subject of where Sarah is now. I know that Sarah most likely died during a seizure. Her death certificate states “Asphyxia” as the… Continue reading Obligate Aerobes
Dedication
Yesterday I noticed that the flowers are already starting to bloom here. We had a very mild winter in DC. That makes all seasons that Sarah has been gone: summer, fall, winter, and spring. Although it has only been six months and ten days. But time is not always reliable for me right now. Lately… Continue reading Dedication
Breaking Up
From the time Sarah was a toddler, she would get fixated on particular movies or television shows and then all of a sudden she would have enough and she never wanted to see them again. When she was really little, she loved the movie Babies, which is about four little ones from different parts of… Continue reading Breaking Up
Spring a doodle
Yesterday I was coming home from walking Polly the Beagle and as I was coming down our block I thought I saw Max in our front yard next to the street. He seemed to be wearing this green sweater I got him for Hanukkah that he likes a lot, and some grey sweatpants. (It’s been… Continue reading Spring a doodle
Spirit Week
I was going to start writing this morning about Rare Disease Day, which falls on February 28, and harangue you about its meaning and importance. Yes, close call for you guys. Instead, Facebook’s “Memories” feature dragged up a post of mine from 2016 that grabbed my attention and even got me laughing a little bit.… Continue reading Spirit Week
Losing a child
This morning while cruising through Facebook I saw one of those “harried mom” memes in which the mom said she must be doing okay because she hadn’t lost any of her children or pets today. I get that. Losing your kid in an airport, or mall, or parking lot is really horrible. I never exactly… Continue reading Losing a child
Legacies
We were never expecting Sarah would marry or have children (although she definitely had a way of surprising us) but now that she’s gone, our line ends here. There are multiple grandchildren and even great-grandchildren on both sides of our family so it’s not as if our families will stop existing. Max and I are… Continue reading Legacies
Self Care
This week I was at the dentist getting a dental crown replaced, and she discovered a small cavity underneath the crown when she took it off. “I can just remove that small cavity right now,” she said reassuringly. (Dr. Ramdath at The Smile Atelier is a terrific dentist if you are in need, by the… Continue reading Self Care
The First Year Without Sarah 