Did I do much of anything yesterday? The cleaners came, so I tried to get out of the house and out of their way, and I bought some bagels, and I just drove around for a while. Part of me still really feels this strong urge to go — somewhere — but I have no… Continue reading Control
Tag: child loss
Comfy Chair
I hate hearing that old prayer “If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” Why should kids have to worry about dying during their sleep? Sarah did not like to go to bed, and even though she took naps for years, until about age 11, and definitely needed… Continue reading Comfy Chair
Sarahverse
It’s possible that I’m becoming the neighborhood weirdo. I think I’m just 78% of the time either crying or in a bad head space these days and I’m getting pretty antisocial and sketchy. Yesterday when I was walking Polly, I was approached out of the blue by a neighbor who has lived on our block… Continue reading Sarahverse
Last Summer
It’s July. Last year Sarah was in camp for a couple of weeks after school ended and then went to Extended School Year classes for most of July and the beginning of August. She saw the new Minions Movie with us and Daniel and loved it. After that there was about three weeks until school… Continue reading Last Summer
The Best of Life
When I was in Fifth Grade and we finished our work early, we could look at various books or work on projects in the classroom by ourselves. I like to look at The Best of Life, the old Life Magazine photo compilation. There were a lot of photos I looked at many times, but one… Continue reading The Best of Life
Open House
Now that it’s the first week of July, we are almost practically about to be on the cusp of the first anniversary of Sarah’s death on August 18th of last year. It seems like things are getting more depressing in some ways the closer we get to the anniversary, which makes me think of the… Continue reading Open House
Walk of Shame
I realize yesterday’s post was dark and fairly ghoulish. I’m sorry to have offended or crossed the boundaries of good taste. Sometimes I do feel very bad about myself. I guess I tend to think that if Sarah died at 16, that’s just a prima facie case (as we say in the law) that we… Continue reading Walk of Shame
Cancer
Max and I have start re-watching “Breaking Bad.” We are on the first season where Walter has cancer and is desperate to try to find a way to pay for treatment and also leave his family financially secure if he dies. As we watched scenes of Walter in chemo and radiation clinics, getting his doses… Continue reading Cancer
Balance
It’s 3:16, I’m up, and mulling. The dog woke me up, but I’ve been waking her up early so much I can’t really blame her. I was having a dream about being in a car rolling down our street with the emergency brake not working. (Do people even use emergency brakes anymore? Do they come… Continue reading Balance
Viactiv
Max put some videos on my computer that he had of Sarah. They are mostly of her as a very small child. Our neurogeneticist used to ask for videos sometimes of Sarah doing this or that thing, so he could present Sarah at grand rounds at Kennedy-Krieger. We were not big camera and video parents.… Continue reading Viactiv
The First Year Without Sarah 