Since I got back from my road trip, Max and I have been talking more, hanging out more, and trying to connect more. We had a couple of intense telephone conversations while I was on the road, and I registered some issues with him that have been bothering me. Like his tendency to tell me… Continue reading Talks
Tag: child loss
Disappearances
Both the Madame Tootsie Bagel Blog and I took an impromptu hiatus for the last couple of days. I’m sorry if you logged on and thought we had disappeared. Well, we kind of did. On Friday afternoon I had an impulse to get into the car and start driving out to the Midwest. I wanted… Continue reading Disappearances
Fireflies
As I’ve talked about before, I feel like I’ve lost interest in a lot of things I used to do. Many things that used to bring me pleasure or frame my day just don’t anymore. Reading the newspaper. Doing the crossword. Reading a local parenting and chat website that I’ve been looking at all of… Continue reading Fireflies
Wish Trip
Yesterday was the first day of summer which brings us back to the season when Sarah died. The anniversary of her death is less than two months away. Today is June 22nd and her funeral was held on August 22nd last year. It was actually pretty cold and rainy yesterday, not summer weather at all,… Continue reading Wish Trip
Job History
Going back to see some of Sarah’s old schools made me remember when she was very small and she wanted to be a librarian, a scientist, or a firefighter. She also wanted to be a teacher for a while. During Sarah’s very last year of school there was a concerning, confusing incident with the librarian… Continue reading Job History
Driving
The long weekend, with the Juneteenth federal holiday, just ended up feeling empty and sad. We really didn’t have plans with anyone. Most people with kids were doing Fathers’ Day things and a lot of people took off on vacation after school ended. Yesterday, the actual holiday, I spent some time just driving around, again… Continue reading Driving
Fathers’ Day
Yesterday was Fathers’ Day and I got Max a new electric shaver and a package of toothbrushes (he specifically asked for them) plus a new t-shirt with sushi on it. I bought Fathers’ Day cards from me, from Polly the Beagle, and from one of Max’s stuffie nemeses, Mr. Wizard’s Brother, Mr. Wizard. One of… Continue reading Fathers’ Day
Unwed Mother
This week I was thinking about when Max and I were going together, back before Sarah was born, and the things we used to do together. We went to estate sales and book sales. We went to festivals and film festivals and to the movies, often dashing off at the last minute. We went out… Continue reading Unwed Mother
Preschool
Sarah lost a lot of little skills very incrementally, and we would sometimes look at photos of her and say things like “Remember when she could hold a book in her hand?” “Remember when she sat up straight when she was doing therapeutic horsebackriding?” There was no particular moment she would lose the skill. It… Continue reading Preschool
Underdog
Yesterday evening I had something of a meltdown and by bedtime I was pretty tearful and upset. We have a shelf in our living room devoted to Sarah’s ashes and the purple urn we selected for them. The ashes aren’t actually in there, they are still in the box that they arrived in, because we… Continue reading Underdog
The First Year Without Sarah 