Sometimes I wonder if I should play the Dead Child Card more and just take a break from responsibility for a while. Just excuse myself from having to wear clean clothes, brush my hair, exercise and eat a balanced diet, because I have a Dead Child, you know. Why would I be able to function… Continue reading Clouds
Tag: death
Holidays
Last night I dreamed that I was teaching a small class of middle schoolers or high schoolers some sort of elective. I hadn’t really prepared a curriculum and was sort of BS-ing my way through the lesson, which consisted of walking around our neighborhood park and pointing out various conifers and their rate of growth.… Continue reading Holidays
Higher Power
Today we may or may not go to a Memorial Day Barbecue put on by Max’s AA group that will be held prior to their meeting. It depends on the weather and how I’m feeling. I guess if I go to the BBQ I’ll probably end up staying for the AA meeting too. I’ve been… Continue reading Higher Power
Wishbone
The Wall Street Journal said today that prison inmates are looking forward to meeting Elizabeth Holmes (the convicted founder of Theranos) and have said “I want to be her friend.” Well, I’m glad that Elizabeth, or Liz as she goes by now (I think), is going to have a support system in prison and that… Continue reading Wishbone
Tootsie Rolls
Yesterday and this morning I’ve been feeling pretty depressed and tearful, and I did quite a lot of crying thinking about missing Sarah. I walked up to our little downtown shopping area at lunchtime yesterday and looked for a bathrobe and a few other things, and just realized I felt very down. I was flipping… Continue reading Tootsie Rolls
Slide Show
HBO Max rebranded itself into Max some time in the last few days and for some reason we can’t get the app to work on our streaming system anymore. We can open it and get a few frames of a show, like a slide show almost, and then a message comes up saying there’s a… Continue reading Slide Show
Assisted Ballet
Sarah lost skills gradually and slowly over time. We didn’t really think about the fact that she couldn’t do some things she used to do, it just was something we accepted. For a couple of years she was able to take little steps while wearing her harness for assisted ballet. Then, she couldn’t do it… Continue reading Assisted Ballet
Field Day
Yesterday’s event at Sarah’s school turned out to be a lot of fun with relatively few bad moments. I remembered how to drive to the school despite my fears. When we pulled into the parking lot, “Sarah Smile,” the old song by Hall and Oates, was playing on the 70’s station I usually listen to… Continue reading Field Day
Cincinnati
Today I’m officially on leave from work and we are going over to Sarah’s school for the Field Day named in Sarah’s honor. I’m trying not to stress and get antsy about going there. The last few days I’ve been sort of torturing myself in my mind with the notion that I will no longer… Continue reading Cincinnati
Tante
This weekend was packed with family stuff (my niece’s graduation, day trip to visit Max’s brothers in Philadelphia) and it seemed to go smoothly on all counts. There’s a satisfaction to spending time with family and having it go easily and well and simply enjoying the time together. People who have been in therapy over… Continue reading Tante
The First Year Without Sarah 