It’s August. I know I haven’t written in a couple of days. It’s not you, it’s me. As I told Max last night, I just can’t bear my own relentless negativity right now and I don’t see the point of exposing other people to it. I’m the poo and everything feels like shit. I think… Continue reading Poo
Tag: death
Me
I was talking to my Dad yesterday, and I told him that I’m starting to not like writing anymore, that it doesn’t feel good and I don’t feel like I have any good ideas anymore. He suggested I take a break and not push myself to write every day unless I really feel like it.… Continue reading Me
Pep Talk
Back when I was in college I lived in a house for a while with about six or seven other female roommates and there’s one roommate I’ve been thinking about lately. I didn’t know her very well, I don’t think I even remembe her name, because I moved into the house when I got back… Continue reading Pep Talk
AITA
I’m tired of my own thoughts today, and it’s hard for me to imagine anyone being interested in them. I just can’t conceive of having to drag my ass around for another thirty years. No, I’m not suicidal. I’m just sick of myself. Bored, discontent, amazed that everything costs so much. Yesterday I bought two… Continue reading AITA
Foster Talk
When I bought my car last summer shortly after Sarah died, trading in our wheelchair van, the young salesman was so happy and excited. It was his first sale and he’d been working at the dealership for several months. “You’re going to sell ten cars now,” I told him. I was glad to be his… Continue reading Foster Talk
Coverage
Facebook Memories reminded me this morning that I posted in 2014 about being turned down on appeal to our medical insurance to cover the $20,000 cost of Sarah’s whole exome testing. Whole exome testing was new and Johns Hopkins sent the test out to a private company called Genentech. This was the test that Sarah… Continue reading Coverage
Mind-Body
I’m reading a new book, The Grieving Brain, that talks about how the brain responds to grief and loss and how grieving changes the brain. I’m only about 30 pages into it but it’s making me cry a lot. So far the book is talking about how we have a primitive part of our brains… Continue reading Mind-Body
Time Off
I worried that yesterday I just kind of phoned in the blog post that I wrote and I felt crappy about it all day. My mind was on Max and his surgery for his back and I wasn’t really thinking too much about Sarah, my loss, my depression, the nature of grief — all the… Continue reading Time Off
Siberia
Today Psychology Today served up an article for me about why abrasive people act the way they do. “Understanding the Abrasive Individual” referred to the personality quality as antagonism. Sometimes I’m afraid I’m an abrasive individual. But I think I’m also kind and try to be aware of other peoples’ feelings. Although I do speak… Continue reading Siberia
Complaint Department
I wish the world would get its shit together. I want the world to offer me quality volunteer activities and community service projects that get me out of the house and take up appropriate amounts of my time, making my life feel meaningful and purposeful. I wish the world would offer support groups of all… Continue reading Complaint Department
The First Year Without Sarah 