As more and more time passes since Sarah dies, it makes me feel out of control. When I see that kids born in and around 2006 are turning 17 and 18, I don’t understand how that can be. I feel like I can’t hold on to what was. I can’t keep things constant in my… Continue reading Runaway Truck
Tag: depression
Party Pooper
Yesterday I ended up feeling pretty terrible. All kinds of grouchy and sad at the same time. What do I feel bad about? So many things, from the trivial to the poignant. Ready? Physically, I’m aging into the “grandma” years but I will never be a grandma. I don’t like looking at pictures of myself… Continue reading Party Pooper
Life Skills
Surprise! It’s me here blogging again. I did kind of disappear for a minute. I’m not quite sure why. I think I started to feel that this was a chore rather than a pleasure and an outlet. That I couldn’t live up to my early, funnier posts. Like people telling Woody Allen “I really liked… Continue reading Life Skills
Lonely Hearts Club
There’s a consistent message or saying in the “grief world” that the second year is harder than the first. People don’t give too much explanation, they just go around intoning this. Although I haven’t generally found this to be true, last night I was crying a little bit thinking I can no longer look back… Continue reading Lonely Hearts Club
Memorabilia
This morning I was cruising around Facebook and a friend had posted about her young daughter’s choice of Halloween costume. This is another girl named Hannah (it’s a popular name). My Facebook Friend said something like “Hannah passed on the princess costume and chose the Jedi costume instead” and there was a cute picture of… Continue reading Memorabilia
Picking
Although my mood has been pretty good lately, I’ve been struggling with picking at my face. This is a problem I’ve had from time to time and it sneaks up on me and gets away from me. It’s really a bad cycle because having little sores and scabs on your face (gross, I know) contributes… Continue reading Picking
Birthday Bear
Yesterday was Polly’s birthday. She’s 12 years old. That’s pretty senior for a dog, although beagles live to be around fifteen or so in the right circumstances. We celebrated with treats, singing the Happy Birthday song, and giving her extra love and attention. I felt like Sarah stayed close throughout the day. Polly and I… Continue reading Birthday Bear
Sudden Departures
Right now I’m listening to my yearly mandatory data privacy training in the background so this might be a little disjointed. It feels a bit ironic to be learning about (or tuning out) all this verbiage about structured and unstructured threats, internal and external risks, risk and threat registers, and so forth, when I feel… Continue reading Sudden Departures
Cycling
Max has been pretty down lately and missing Sarah quite a bit. His sadness cycle is occurring while I am feeling more stable overall right now and less depressed. It’s probably better for only one of us to be really down and sad at a time. The other one gets to be the supportive one.… Continue reading Cycling
Duck Duck Goose
Lately I’ve been watching a pretty stupid documentary series on HBO called “Signs of a Psychopath.” Am I the only person who watches stuff like this and then starts wondering if I fit the bill for the diagnosis? I don’t think I’m sadistic or lacking in empathy and I certainly don’t torture small animals. But… Continue reading Duck Duck Goose
The First Year Without Sarah 