It’s over. Death Month has officially ended. I’ve flipped both our house calendars to September, the free one from the SPCA and the yearly one with pictures of my niece and nephews and their dog. You can stand down, those of you who have kept vigil with me. Your support is appreciated. What are the… Continue reading Beshert
Tag: depression
Beloved
I read a post this morning on the parenting website I occasionally visit from a woman who was upset because her friend lied to her about receiving a big bouquet of flowers. The poster was convinced it was a lie because she recognized the photo her friend sent was a stock image from Google. I… Continue reading Beloved
Three-Hour Tour
After I published yesterday’s post about feeling like there was a “New Me” possibly developing, I was lying on the couch, really feeling pretty proud of myself for being such a Mental Health Poster Child. I patted myself on the back, foreseeing that the worst could be over with Sarah’s death. Who were these fools… Continue reading Three-Hour Tour
Kitchen
So yesterday I cracked open 45 dozen eggs. That’s 540 eggs. I cracked the eggs into a huge sieve and sort of mixed them up and down with a metal ladle so that they flowed down into a big plastic container. Then I covered up the container, dated it, and put it in the “walk-in.”… Continue reading Kitchen
Yahrzeit
Our Yahrzeit candle for Sarah ended up burning until last night. We lit it on Friday night, the anniversary of her death, and it lasted until Wednesday. Is this a miracle on the order of Hanukkah? Should I contact the Jewish Vatican? Probably not. We didn’t buy an authentic “Yahrzeit” candle from a Jewish store,… Continue reading Yahrzeit
Purple Vase
Sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks that I’ll never see Sarah again. That’s it, the story’s done, there’s no more to discover or find out. It’s not like a documentary where new and startling evidence of Sarah will be presented, or new clues and new theories of Sarah get developed. I… Continue reading Purple Vase
Tattoo
Maybe twenty or thirty years will go by and suddenly Sarah will pop up one day to visit, like my friend Inga did. I’ll run into her downtown, or at some sort of event, and we’ll hug and I’ll say “You look fantastic, I love what you are doing now with your hair.” We’ll promise… Continue reading Tattoo
Attachments
Things seem very busy all of a sudden. I think that’s good. My Dad will be moving down to Maryland in less than a month, and I have to do a walk-through of his new apartment to make sure it is all set up correctly. That will be this coming week. Once Dad moves down,… Continue reading Attachments
Queen of Hearts
It’s August 19, no longer the first year without Sarah. We made it through and we are out the other side. I’m feeling…okay. A little emotionally flat, actually. Getting away to the Jersey Shore helped, although I don’t think I ever want to go back to a casino resort again. We stayed at the Borgata… Continue reading Queen of Hearts
Compensatory Routines
I was thinking about some random doctor we saw sometime over the years with Sarah for an evaluation. Don’t remember why, who, where anymore. I just remember a brief squib of conversation with her about Sarah. She was asking questions about Sarah’s development, and as always we were saying that Sarah had great social skills,… Continue reading Compensatory Routines
The First Year Without Sarah 