I was thinking about the folktale from Appointment in Samarra. Where the servant sees Death making a threatening gesture toward him in the marketplace, and he borrows a very fast horse from his employer and rides away to Samarra to escape. But Death wasn’t making a threatening gesture, Death was just surprised to see him… Continue reading Rings
Tag: depression
Listserv
Vincent Van Gogh said “I don’t know if I’m extremely sensitive or if life is unbearable.” Sometimes I feel the same way. We met with the Parks Department yesterday and chose a spot for Sarah’s Memorial Bench in our local park. It was a good experience. We settled on an area near the infant swings,… Continue reading Listserv
Crossword
This weekend I felt okay, not too bad for the most part. I would say fair to partly cloudy on my grief scale. I tried to push myself to do some things I used to enjoy doing. For instance, I used to really enjoy reading the Sunday newspapers, The Washington Post and The New York… Continue reading Crossword
Pain Pill
So Max and I are trying to make some plans to go out of town next week for the anniversary of Sarah’s death. We’ll be going up to New Jersey, down the shore as they say there. I’m trying to keep my expectations low. We went “down the shore” for several years before Sarah was… Continue reading Pain Pill
Meeting
Last night we went to our second meeting of Compassionate Friends and I have to say it really hit the spot this time. We stayed downstairs in the church where the meeting is held with the “experienced grievers” instead of going upstairs with the beginning grievers and I think that was a better match for… Continue reading Meeting
Death Month
The Parks Department contacted me that Sarah’s memorial bench is ready, and they want to meet us at the park to consult on a spot on where to put it. So we are going to do that on Tuesday August 8. It would be nice to have the bench in place sometime around the anniversary… Continue reading Death Month
Poo
It’s August. I know I haven’t written in a couple of days. It’s not you, it’s me. As I told Max last night, I just can’t bear my own relentless negativity right now and I don’t see the point of exposing other people to it. I’m the poo and everything feels like shit. I think… Continue reading Poo
Me
I was talking to my Dad yesterday, and I told him that I’m starting to not like writing anymore, that it doesn’t feel good and I don’t feel like I have any good ideas anymore. He suggested I take a break and not push myself to write every day unless I really feel like it.… Continue reading Me
Pep Talk
Back when I was in college I lived in a house for a while with about six or seven other female roommates and there’s one roommate I’ve been thinking about lately. I didn’t know her very well, I don’t think I even remembe her name, because I moved into the house when I got back… Continue reading Pep Talk
Button
The book I was reading on The Grieving Brain said that the most predictive factor for prolonged grief is whether the grieving person was depressed prior to the bereavement. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I’ve been depressed all my life. I’ve almost always had some downer shit going on with me. My neurologist… Continue reading Button
The First Year Without Sarah 