I’m tired of my own thoughts today, and it’s hard for me to imagine anyone being interested in them. I just can’t conceive of having to drag my ass around for another thirty years. No, I’m not suicidal. I’m just sick of myself. Bored, discontent, amazed that everything costs so much. Yesterday I bought two… Continue reading AITA
Tag: depression
Foster Talk
When I bought my car last summer shortly after Sarah died, trading in our wheelchair van, the young salesman was so happy and excited. It was his first sale and he’d been working at the dealership for several months. “You’re going to sell ten cars now,” I told him. I was glad to be his… Continue reading Foster Talk
Coverage
Facebook Memories reminded me this morning that I posted in 2014 about being turned down on appeal to our medical insurance to cover the $20,000 cost of Sarah’s whole exome testing. Whole exome testing was new and Johns Hopkins sent the test out to a private company called Genentech. This was the test that Sarah… Continue reading Coverage
Mind-Body
I’m reading a new book, The Grieving Brain, that talks about how the brain responds to grief and loss and how grieving changes the brain. I’m only about 30 pages into it but it’s making me cry a lot. So far the book is talking about how we have a primitive part of our brains… Continue reading Mind-Body
Time Off
I worried that yesterday I just kind of phoned in the blog post that I wrote and I felt crappy about it all day. My mind was on Max and his surgery for his back and I wasn’t really thinking too much about Sarah, my loss, my depression, the nature of grief — all the… Continue reading Time Off
Siberia
Today Psychology Today served up an article for me about why abrasive people act the way they do. “Understanding the Abrasive Individual” referred to the personality quality as antagonism. Sometimes I’m afraid I’m an abrasive individual. But I think I’m also kind and try to be aware of other peoples’ feelings. Although I do speak… Continue reading Siberia
Complaint Department
I wish the world would get its shit together. I want the world to offer me quality volunteer activities and community service projects that get me out of the house and take up appropriate amounts of my time, making my life feel meaningful and purposeful. I wish the world would offer support groups of all… Continue reading Complaint Department
TGIM
Did I mention that Max is having surgery on Friday? On his back, which he has had problems with basically forever. This is his second back surgery in the last five years. It’s outpatient surgery and I guess it’s not that big a deal but I’m a little worried about it. I’m also looking forward… Continue reading TGIM
Twilight Zone
Although I’ve been doing pretty well this past week, yesterday I started having intrusively delusional and tragically inappropriate thoughts that maybe — okay, hear me out on this — I’m the one who is dead, not Sarah. That maybe, as if my life were a Twilight Zone episode or a Stephen King novel, I actually… Continue reading Twilight Zone
Doodlebop Pledge
So we went to our first Compassionate Friends meeting yesterday evening. Feelings are mixed but initial impressions were good. We were thoroughly and warmly welcomed by the rather large group of facilitators, given name tags, shown their refreshment table and lending library. We got a good vibe from the leaders, who seemed to have genuine… Continue reading Doodlebop Pledge
The First Year Without Sarah 