This is Presidents Day weekend, Sarah’s birthday weekend. We are planning to go out to dinner on Sunday with Sarah’s tutor, who we were all close to, but have vague “we’ll do something” plans for Monday. Perhaps I will get a pedicure with purple or pink polish. This morning I read a BBC News article… Continue reading Childless
Tag: special needs child
Untitled
These last few days my usual emotional repertoire since August 18 of guilt, depression, angst, and constant tearfulness seems different. A couple of nights ago, I woke up from a dream screaming. I remember that someone was trying to steal the new car I bought in place of our wheelchair van, and leave me three… Continue reading Untitled
True Facts
Little kids, and sometimes adults too, used to come up to me and ask me “What’s wrong with her?” when I was out and about with Sarah. I don’t blame kids for having questions but there was never any good answer and I sucked at handling this situation. Sarah understood everything that was said around… Continue reading True Facts
Love
So I did end up buying a Valentine card for Sarah. It has a heart theme with multiple pages that you open with a silly question on each page like “Who is the girl that millions adore? Who is the one that makes my heart soar?” and so forth until you get to the middle… Continue reading Love
Balloons
Tomorrow is Valentines’ Day, which was one of Sarah’s very favorite holidays. It’s hard to say that there was a holiday she did not like celebrating: birthdays most of all (her own, ours, her friends’), V-Day, Hanukkah, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Fathers and Mothers Days, and any other holiday for which the grocery stores produced balloons… Continue reading Balloons
PTSD
Yesterday afternoon I got a text from my father telling me that my sister-in-law is in the hospital due to a serious health issue that occurred while she and my brother were vacationing. She is in good hands, but will have to have some surgery and remain in the hospital for a couple of weeks.… Continue reading PTSD
Taconic Parkway
It seems to be the symbol of all my guilt and grief at this point. Why? I was not at home when Sarah died. I had gone up to New York City on Tuesday afternoon August 16 to help my Dad, who is 90, tour an independent living facility in Albany. It was so rare… Continue reading Taconic Parkway
I Hope You’re Getting Good Support
This has to be among my least favorite things for people to say to me. There seems to be an implied “But not from me” at the end of it, as if the Venn Diagram of Support offers a large, vast interlocking network of caretakers and caregivers and groups and therapists and so forth keeping… Continue reading I Hope You’re Getting Good Support
Things I Never Wanted To Change
This morning when I got up as usual at a little before 4 a.m. and scanned three or four news websites, I came across an article in the New York Times stating that elite Supreme Court clerks (these are the young lawyers that assist the judges in writing decisions for a year or two, for… Continue reading Things I Never Wanted To Change
Big questions
One of the issues I wrestle with since August 18 is whether I am still a mother. When your only child dies, are you a parent anymore? Max and I not only really, really enjoyed being Sarah’s parents, but because of her progressive and rare medical condition our whole lives basically revolved around her care.… Continue reading Big questions
The First Year Without Sarah 