We were never expecting Sarah would marry or have children (although she definitely had a way of surprising us) but now that she’s gone, our line ends here. There are multiple grandchildren and even great-grandchildren on both sides of our family so it’s not as if our families will stop existing. Max and I are… Continue reading Legacies
Tag: special needs dad
Trips
One week from today will be March 1. February has been a hard month in so many ways and I do want it to pass away. And in March, Max and I will take a trip to the UK. We haven’t really traveled other than long weekends at the Jersey Shore, our Wish Trip in… Continue reading Trips
Maladaptive Behavior
This morning Google News sent me a Psychology Today article letting me know that there are 3 Ways My Personality Might Be Secretly Harming Me. (Only 3?) It seems, according to Mark Travers, Ph.D., that we all need to “check in” with ourselves regularly to avoid slipping into maladaptive behavioral patterns, although Mark does not… Continue reading Maladaptive Behavior
Childless
This is Presidents Day weekend, Sarah’s birthday weekend. We are planning to go out to dinner on Sunday with Sarah’s tutor, who we were all close to, but have vague “we’ll do something” plans for Monday. Perhaps I will get a pedicure with purple or pink polish. This morning I read a BBC News article… Continue reading Childless
Untitled
These last few days my usual emotional repertoire since August 18 of guilt, depression, angst, and constant tearfulness seems different. A couple of nights ago, I woke up from a dream screaming. I remember that someone was trying to steal the new car I bought in place of our wheelchair van, and leave me three… Continue reading Untitled
Love
So I did end up buying a Valentine card for Sarah. It has a heart theme with multiple pages that you open with a silly question on each page like “Who is the girl that millions adore? Who is the one that makes my heart soar?” and so forth until you get to the middle… Continue reading Love
Taconic Parkway
It seems to be the symbol of all my guilt and grief at this point. Why? I was not at home when Sarah died. I had gone up to New York City on Tuesday afternoon August 16 to help my Dad, who is 90, tour an independent living facility in Albany. It was so rare… Continue reading Taconic Parkway
Signs
Since Sarah’s death I’ve done a lot of reading on grief and mourning and child loss and death, both “how to” manuals and memoirs written by parents of dead children. There’s a lot of stuff out there. I have read straightforward “What To Expect During The First Year” how-to’s, similar to when I was pregnant… Continue reading Signs
Big questions
One of the issues I wrestle with since August 18 is whether I am still a mother. When your only child dies, are you a parent anymore? Max and I not only really, really enjoyed being Sarah’s parents, but because of her progressive and rare medical condition our whole lives basically revolved around her care.… Continue reading Big questions
Encountering Death Outside Strosnider’s
Yesterday I drove up to Whole Foods and Strosnider’s on a little errand. I’m trying to make myself leave the house every day, which is often hard to do. I’ve needed some large nails for several weeks, so I went into Strosnider’s, and I thought I would check out the cakes at Whole Foods for… Continue reading Encountering Death Outside Strosnider’s
The First Year Without Sarah 