I’ve read a lot about the grieving process and the stages of grief. The model developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross back in the 1960’s is still pretty widespread and accepted in griefology and grief counseling. This is the “Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance” rubric that someone pointed out sounds like a Jewish law firm. (It was a line in the… Continue reading Staging My Grief
Tag: SUDEP
Memorials
Unfortunately we are limited to 32 total characters by the Parks Foundation for the plaque for Sarah’s memorial park bench, so my planned enscription that she will be remembered in winter, spring, summer, and fall, however poetic, has to be shelved and abbreviated. I can’t even squeeze in one season after her full name and… Continue reading Memorials
Madame Tootsie Bagel
One of my mom’s nicknames for me was Madame Tootsie Bagel, and I started calling Sarah that too, and so did Max. It seemed to suit her combination of cuteness, joy, and a little sass. I always assumed Mom got this name from old radio programs of the 1930s or 40s, or from vaudeville, where… Continue reading Madame Tootsie Bagel
Gumdrop Tree
Yesterday turned into a bit of a weepy sad mess. I started looking at photos of Sarah on my phone, the most recent ones, and thinking ‘This one was 19 days before she died.’ ‘This one was four months and eleven days before she died.’ Did she look as if she was detaching from us?… Continue reading Gumdrop Tree
Dead Children
There’s a new dead child memoir (as I call books written by grieving parents) coming out that I’m looking forward to reading. I read an excerpt in Atlantic Monthly yesterday and really liked how the author (Colin Campbell) seemed to be thinking and talking about grief and the weight of his own thoughts. (The book… Continue reading Dead Children
Obligate Aerobes
Once again I have been perseverating on how Sarah died, and to a certain extent on how my mother died, which fills up the extensive mental real estate not preoccupied by the subject of where Sarah is now. I know that Sarah most likely died during a seizure. Her death certificate states “Asphyxia” as the… Continue reading Obligate Aerobes
Dedication
Yesterday I noticed that the flowers are already starting to bloom here. We had a very mild winter in DC. That makes all seasons that Sarah has been gone: summer, fall, winter, and spring. Although it has only been six months and ten days. But time is not always reliable for me right now. Lately… Continue reading Dedication
Legacies
We were never expecting Sarah would marry or have children (although she definitely had a way of surprising us) but now that she’s gone, our line ends here. There are multiple grandchildren and even great-grandchildren on both sides of our family so it’s not as if our families will stop existing. Max and I are… Continue reading Legacies
Self Care
This week I was at the dentist getting a dental crown replaced, and she discovered a small cavity underneath the crown when she took it off. “I can just remove that small cavity right now,” she said reassuringly. (Dr. Ramdath at The Smile Atelier is a terrific dentist if you are in need, by the… Continue reading Self Care
Trips
One week from today will be March 1. February has been a hard month in so many ways and I do want it to pass away. And in March, Max and I will take a trip to the UK. We haven’t really traveled other than long weekends at the Jersey Shore, our Wish Trip in… Continue reading Trips
The First Year Without Sarah 